Applying Myers-Briggs® in Your Daily Conversations

How can you Know to Which Preference You’re talking?

Tips that You Are Talking to an Introvert: Eye contact may be diffused or infrequent; will probably have studied any advance materials; may have communicated with you in advance in writing; may be pauses before they respond to a question or react to a comment; may seem to form one-on-one relationships within the team, rather than participate in the entire team process.

Tips that You Are Talking to an Extravert: Eye contact is usually direct and intense; may not review advance materials—and even if he or she did, still wants to "hear it from the horse’s mouth"; lack of advance notice does not inhibit participation; participates frequently in the discussion; may interrupt others frequently; may be challenged by listening skills; becomes demotivated when asked to work on a solitary project in isolation.

Give Introverts advance notice of coaching topics and issues.

Don’t assume Introverts are uninterested just because they are silent. Ask them directly for a response or give them some time to process an idea, then ask for their response.

If you are an Extravert, don’t intimidate Introverts with intense eye contact. If you are an Introvert, make eye contact more directly than you might like and sustain it.

Allow plenty of discussion time for the Extraverts. That is how they process and doesn’t mean they are resistant to the coaching or insubordinate.

If you are an Extravert, don’t be unnerved by pauses before an Introverted person you are coaching responds to something you say or ask. And above all, resist the urge to interrupt them, to rush in while they are pausing, or to complete their sentences.

Sensing/Intuition – Implications for Management

Tips that You Are Talking to an Intuitive: Seems frustrated or bored by detail if there is no "big picture"; may have difficulty explaining "how they know what they know"; wants to start with "cosmic significance" then move to detail; becomes irritated at detailed questions; uses words like "gut," "hunch," "intuition," etc.

Tips that You Are Talking to a Sensor: May ask LOTS of detailed questions; asks for facts, your experience, details; uses words like "facts," "statistics," "history," "experience," etc. to prove or disprove a position; may appear resistant to change; takes a sequential approach to gathering and processing information.

Sensors will ask LOTS of questions and want LOTS of detail. If you are an Intuitive, don’t become frustrated or see this as insubordination—that’s usually not their intent.

If you are coaching an Intuitive, begin with the "big picture," and the meaning/significance of the issue—the "why" questions--then proceed to detail.

If you are coaching a Sensor, begin with the details—with "how" to do something---then proceed to the "big picture."

Intuitives beware! Sensors tend to live in the present and past, while you live in the future. Sensors will have a LONG memory about slights, commitments not kept, follow-through that was dropped. While the Intuitive is off on the next great idea, the Sensor is still holding on to that "data" from the past.

Feed ideas to Intuitives and facts to Sensors.

Errors of fact will destroy your credibility with Sensors.

Facts without meaning or significance—bureaucracy without purpose—will make you seem like a "lightweight" to Intuitives.

Thinking/Feeling – Implications for Management

Tips that You Are Talking to a Thinker: Asks about the logic of decisions; seems obsessed with fairness; can appear cold and aloof; references policies and procedures in arguing a position; uses words like "logical," "fair," "defensible," etc.; has relatively low need for praise and acknowledgement; uses phrases like "I think" or "that makes/doesn’t make sense"; often has a penetrating quality to eye contact.

Tips that You Are Talking to a Feeler: May have a "soft" quality to eye contact; references individuals’ values, feelings, priorities frequently; may be visibly uncomfortable around conflict; may try to halt or mediate conflicts in the team; may "stand up" for someone whose voice has not been heard or acknowledged; may attack someone who has treated another team member badly; conveys an interpersonal warmth that draws others; can excel at client relations—but may avoid conflict with clients; uses phrases like "my feeling is" or "I feel that . . ."

Thinkers need to know that any decisions you make are LOGICAL AND CONSISTENT. Demonstrate how the decision is congruent with other decisions and show the fairness and even-handedness of policies and procedures.

Feelers want to know that you have taken into account their values, the need for harmony on the team, and validated them as individuals. Bullying behavior, ignoring or interrupting team members, failing to take team members’ perspectives seriously, etc. will be dealt with harshly by Feelers.

Thinkers will be impressed by your logic.

Feelers will be impressed by your interpersonal skill and ability to build rapport. Feelers will be most amenable to coaching if they genuinely like you as a person—they typically want to please the people they like.

Conflict management is a growth area for most Feelers.

When praising Thinkers, be extremely specific and concrete.

When criticizing Feelers, always first acknowledge and affirm them.

Feelers will be impressed by your interpersonal skill and ability to build rapport. Feelers will be most amenable to coaching if they genuinely like you as a person—they typically want to please the people they like.

Conflict management is a growth area for most Feelers.

When praising Thinkers, be extremely specific and concrete.

When criticizing Feelers, always first acknowledge and affirm them.

Get the attention of Sensors with facts. Get the attention of Intuitives with vision.

Judging/Perceiving – Implications for Management

Tips that You Are Talking to a Judger: Expresses concern over schedules, timetables, and follow-through; wants to know who will be doing what; may rush to make decisions; becomes frustrated if things begin or end late; will learn from your experience and advice; communicates update information frequently.

Tips that You Are Talking to a Perceiver: Relatively unconcerned about start and adjourn times; wants to defer decisions; wants to explore every possible option and gather more and more information; seems to prefer action or "doing" to talking; will learn from doing; communicates on a need-to-know basis.

Judgers want to know in advance that their time will be well spent. State objectives in advance and review them at the beginning of the coaching session.

To keep Judgers satisfied and engaged, begin and end on time.

If you commit to follow-through on items, deliver on those and do it on time. Otherwise, you will lose credibility with the Judger you are coaching.

Perceivers lose interest if they are simply "talked at." They can even deliberately "blow up" the process, simply to have something to do.

Perceivers learn by doing—if you keep them from experimentation and the consequences of their experimentation, you keep them from learning.

Perceivers are not always forthcoming in sharing update information. Ask them direct questions. If you are in doubt as to whether you have gotten the information you need, keep probing.